On Tuesday, Sept. 8th President Obama delivered a motivational speech to new/returning students at a school in Arlington, Va. Despite the controversy and assumed agenda by uninformed opposers, the President gave the same pep talk a parent who wants their child to strive for the best would give. What’s the harm in that? After doing some pre-reading from several news outlets and tuning into the nightly news, I had a pretty good idea about what the speech would be about. Never once did I think the President would push his “socialist”, “Nazi” views on children. What would be the point in that? Would talking about healthcare reform really be beneficial to a bunch of teenagers?

The President also asked teachers to encourage their students to write him letters as to how he could do things better… Free speech? God forbid… The best conversation is to have one with different minded people who are able to bring their thoughts to the table and offer different perspectives… Is this not what our President was asking of today’s students? I was also able to watch news clips of parents who refused to let their children watch the speech and some even resorted to pulling their kids out of schools where the speech would be aired. To hear the ignorance and the misinformation people were spewing was nauseating. I was so proud to be an American when we elected B. Obama, but after seeing and hearing the hateful, negative comments people have been saying, makes me be embarrassed to be one.

Everyone is watching us! Countries that have deep seeded resentment towards us are beginning to soften up, and then you see the hate in the papers, you see the hate on television, you read people’s negative Facebook statuses, and you remember why so many people hate us. In this country, we have a left and a right, an up and a down, a black and a white, and everything in between. How can we ever reach a common ground and start having fair debates? Fair discussions and fair disagreements? Oxymoron? Not in my book. I sincerely enjoy having debates with people who might have different view points. Why? Because they challenge my own. They open my eyes to things I did not know. I have plenty of conservative friends who have taught me a lot. They’ve caused me to Google things and do further reading. Isn’t okay to agree to disagree? To educate yourself?

I will remain positive about our President and I will keep him in my prayers. In a world filled with negativity and hate there arises a voice of reason and change. A voice who only wants to try something different because what has been done has not been working. My parents fought for change and they lived it in merely being together. They instilled in both my sister and me to be accepting of change and accepting of people’s differences. Why is it so hard for other’s to subscribe to this?

I do not think we can completely blame the likes of the internet, text messaging (sexting ) and all of the men/women who think that these situations are okay and are more than willing to lay with someone they know is in a relationship. Before our advances in technology, people were getting it on behind their lover’s back. Is it that someone of us really do not believe one person can satisfy our needs? Is it simply an issue of greed?

To make matters worse, as if the act isn’t bad enough, we have to figure out what constitutes cheating? And gauge how serious it is and if it’s fix-able. The casual flirting onMyspace? The sending of nude pics through a picture message? Meeting a person of interest for coffee?

We all have our boundaries and how much we are willing to accept. Personally, I think emotional cheating is just as bad as physically cheating. I believe people become greedy and maybe even get off on the thrill of trying to not get caught and see how far they can go with it. It’s a very sad state of affairs especially when STDs are running rampant, unwanted pregnancies have to be dealt with, ties of trust are severed and most importantly the unfaithfulness before God.

I do know, once you’ve been in a situation like this, it completely sucks the life force out of you. You completely lose your ability to trust and an iron wall forms around your heart. It makes you very pessimistic about relationships and the possibility of ever loving again. So I ask, why would a person do these things knowing it could yield a complete change in their partner’s outlook on life. That would probably my naivety speaking. Why would the other person be thinking about their mate, when they are clearly only thinking about themselves.

I pose the question to all of you… is cheating okay? And/or what constitutes cheating? And/or how much would you put up with for the sake of your relationship?

the mastery of love

men, women and relationships:making peace

too goo to leave, too bad to stay

what women want men to know: the ultimate book about love, sex and relationships

the last relationship book you’ll need

i kissed dating goodbye: a new attitude toward relationships and romance

and the list goes on. i’m still in awe at the fact that we have been on this earth, we meaning men and women, for how long and we still cannot get it right? what is it in our genetic makeup? childhood rearing? upbringing? cultures? that make it so difficult for men and women to communicate?

in my social circle today, i can count on one hand the amount people in a relationship (and i’m assuming they are happy). for all the millions of men and women out there, let’s just use nyc as our sample, why is it that so many people are single? i asked a few people about their status and the same reasons seemed to be popular for both men and women: compatibility, NOT wanting commitment versus wanting commitment, and communication.

as i have been venturing out, (and i do not want to bash the group i’m about to blog about, but a few things must be said) i’m finding that men between the ages of 25-30 are completely allergic to monogamy, honesty, commitment and sacrifice. it is such a shame because i genuinely believe this age bracket is a very important one for self discovery as well as discovering key traits in a potential mate. while many men i’ve spoken to prefer to bed hop and live in a polygamist state, many women desire the complete opposite. and unfortunately there is only one group to blame for a lot of this: THE WOMEN WHO HAVE PUT UP WITH THE BEHAVIOR AND CONVINCED MEN IT IS OKAY TO CARRY ON LIKE THIS!

i do hate cliques, but there is truth to them. the cliques “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” seems to fit the bolded statement above. men don’t have to change, or make sacrifice or do those things you are suppose to do, because there is always someone else willing to accept them for their ridiculous behavior.

food for thought…

what are you eating?

what is it in a man’s DNA that makes him so allergic to settling down or committing to someone he spends all of his time with, shares his desires with and cares to be around. i like to think that men try and sample as much as they can and weigh out their pros and cons lists while seeing multiple women: she rubs my back, while the other washes my clothes, she cooks me food, while the other pays for dinner. these bucket lists that both men and women seem to keep and use to add up pros and cons ends up being a tally sheet for a decision.

in a previous post, (chivalry and the turntable) i mentioned the idea of simple acts of kindess between men and women. i’m happy when a man offers me a seat on the subway, let alone being monogomaous. where did everything go wrong? am i the only one who is a cheerleader for monogomy? i’m finding more and more men who just are looking for open relationships or casual trysts that go nowhere.

from the beginning of time, men have had multiple relationships (i.e. the bible) and to this day, the modern woman is still wrestling with cheating men (even miley cyrus).even the most beautiful, desirable women cannot even get around infidelity in their relationships (halle berry, jennifer aniston, rhianna). is it inherit for a man to keep topping himself with notches on his bedpost?

how are women ever suppose to find someone who wants to be with them and only them? i am confident that one day, some of us will be successful in finding a decent partner. i guess it’s just a matter of sifting, patience and loving one’s self…

for anyone else who is a hip-hop enthusiast, this is better than christmas, it’s the gift that keeps on giving: sweet smells of green, beer, out of control line ups, dose after dose, beat dropping, finger-lickin good basslines… it gets no better than this..just to note some of the acts: nas (can it be that i see this man twice in a row, the GODS are defintely crazy!!!), damian marley, the roots, common, big boi, krs-one, tech n9ne, rza( can it be that i see this man again, the GODS must be insane in the membrane!), raekwon, k’naan (love him!), alchemist, slum village, and more… i am foaming at the mouth! is anyone else as excited as i am?

it’s as if each year is trying to top itself. i will say, i hope they pick a better venue than that corny hilfiger amphitheater in long island. wack set-up, horrible acoustics (baselines don’t reverb that great off of air) and c’mon man, it was in LI!

i will be comprising my RTB ’09 play list including the acts that will be performing as well as previous acts i’ve seen… and some that i wish would be performing. all-in-all, this is the best news i’ve gotten in a little while and i am extremely excited!

who’s with me?

RTB 09

the event started off with freestyling, which normally gets on my nerves because more spit comes out of peoples mouths than words, however, the emcees last night were pretty good.

i was actually pretty nervous about the beat battle mainly because, my idea of a good beat is definitely not the status quo, predictable beats. i really wanted to hear beats similar to jake one, dilla, madlib, 9th wonder, rza, premier, el-p,  rjd2, prefuse 73, alchemist, ?uestlove and von pea. again, nothing status quo about the mentioned producers…finding like-minded beat enthusiasts is very hard now-a-days.

let’s just say, i was pleasantly surprised. of course being a cheerleader for my cuz  (influenced by some of the above people), i loved what he brought to the battle. in first/second place, in my book, was cat from taiwan, who defitinely has been touched by dilla at some point in his beat making career.

many of the producers came with hard beats, one in particular reminded me of  swizz beatz. while others used rock & roll drum solos to mix and blend into hip-hop beats. all-in-all, it was quite the experience and re-assuring to know, hip-hop exists and innovation prevails… looking forward to my next beat battle….

peace…

a friend and i were recently chatting about chivalry (enter: david chappelle skit- “chivalry because women killed it”) and what it means to our generation. the whole notion of romance and what it means to “court” has completely changed. even in conversation with my parents, my father, whom i revere as a gentleman, did not really do anything over and above picking up the check, offering to light a cigarette, and holding the door.

interesting enough, he did those things at the height of the woman’s movement where women did not feel the need to have a man, they felt they could hold their own door and considered acts of chivalry as offensive. there was a new need to move away from the “old-fashioned” way of doing things. in short, our parents grew up with a two-sided coined mentality… they had their own parents, who were probably as “leave it to beaver” as you can get and alternatively, facing a time in which things were changing, ideologies were being challenged, and everyone seemed to start to think like an individual.

fast-forward, my parents never placed a heavy emphasis on what a man should do for me other than, treat me right, be faithful and have some sort of head on his shoulders. my standards for a partner, in my opinion, are pretty realistic, only because i did not grow up with some prince charming model of a man… i’ve never needed a man to pay for anything for me, never needed him to have a car (esp. if i didn’t have one) and could find pleasure in activities like staying home and not having to show off how much money you make…

super fast forward- i was listening to my old school session on my Pod which consists of Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Peabo Bryson, Ray Charles, Teddy P, Al Green, Luther Vandross, Barry White, Aaron Neville (geez, they’re all men…) and started to notice how romantic their words were. things like “lay your head on my pillow”, “if ever you’re in my arms again…”, “can i take you out tonight”: all make for the start of a chivalrous man. they never once sang about, i’ll buy you a G-class wagon (take note: this is my favorite car and I plan on buying one for myself), take you around the world, drip you in diamonds. their idea of treating their lady right, was simple things like running their fingers through their hair, staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands (god forbid a man does this), long walks with no set destination like BBQ’s… pure together time (also, without the interupption of cell phones)…. we’ve defintely moved into a more “physical” realm where “i wanna freak you” “let me lick you up and down” and ” somebody’s body rockin the boots” has become more acceptable and has in turn, set the example for what a lot of men think they should be doing… i am very curious to hear what both the ladies and gentlemen think about this… without it turning into man/woman bashing… Thoughts??

we recently had a round table discussion as to who in the industry we consider punks <cesar: i must keep my blog somewhat clean>. meaning who you think you think is real in the game and who isn’t. the conversation took an interesting turn as they always do, but it definitely sparked my interest about those who live(d) the life and those that simply read about it and try to emulate.

several posers jumped out… but bow wow seemed to be the hands down ultimate poser. which brings me to my next thought. why would that “life” be the life of choice? we have our first black president and several people of color in the White House. people of color have done amazing things using either their hands (inventions), contributed greatly to  art movements, and have served has intellectuals in many different circles. more and more children aspire to want to achieve bigger things than their parents, to overachieve and to contribute their skills to society. so why do materialistic, flighty things seem to appeal so much to people? one thought comes to mind: easy money… not to jump on any stereotypical bandwagons, but many people do favor the “easy way out”… being involved in illegal activity has become not only a crutch, but a desired lifestyle… people who live in the ghetto don’t want to be there, so why imitate an undesirable situation.

having barack in the white house is pivotal, and i do not care what anybody says, it was historical. we have someone who can relate, who looks like use (for us brown people, or swirl in my case), and who seems to want only the best for his country. and we still are caught up in 50 cent vs. rick ross, chrianna, rocsi getting a beatdown by queen pen, so-and-so’s weave, christian louboutins and all of the other mindless garbage we get caught up in. let’s not worry about AIDS, high-mortality rates, our prison systems, the environment… no, let’s worry about, G-Class wagons, rims, weed, who slept with who’s baby’s momma, blah, blah, blah…

i do believe a “revolution” starts with our generation. i do believe having these sorts of converstaions and questioning the ridiculous behavior that takes place, helps other’s see another way of life. reminds me of how i went to mcdonalds and saw a cashier by the name of La’Dreamer… all i could do was take my change and smh to myself… people, we must do better…. let me know if i’m being too harsh… Thoughts?

so the obvious chris brown v. rhianna scoop has to obviously have its place in my chatty world…  i was on a website and saw that the rhianna/chris brown beatdown was on the cover of vibe. i’m assuming they are doing a feature on domestic abuse between tweens… (<– weird…)

i’d like to know if these two were the first to “premier” beat downs? why so much attention? and best belive, people were getting beat down way before this… one/two words for you: K-Ci… say no more… ever notice, when people are glorified, especially for their looks, people become way more sympathetic. for example, had rhianna been angie stone or estelle (i know mean right?) i really dont think people would have cared so much. had chris brown been flava flav or biz markie, the story would not have been as big. TRUST ME! they were coined as the prince and princess, not the jester and the milk maid…

i do not understand how quick all of these media outlets are to jump on the judgmental bandwagon and shake their fingers in the faces of these two teenagers. please! we’ve all been there before. we’ve all made stupid choices and we will continue to make stupid choices. if a girl gets beaten down to a pulp and chooses to stick with the guy (hypothetically) how does it help by calling the person stupid or an idiot. they obviously already have a tool missing from their character toolbox that allows this behavior to be tolerated. i truly believe both involved are victims and being in the spotlight and having their business in the street does not make the situation any better. i think it would be best for both of them to go away for a little while. restart and reboot… Thoughts?